Faith is one of my most prominent spiritual gifts, so it is
usually easy for me to believe that which I can’t necessarily see. But recently, as I began to ponder why
certain things happen, especially after periods of fervent prayer, I found myself
in a pickle. Brutal honesty brought a hard
realization: I experienced some doubts
about the power of prayer.
The details don’t matter, and I’m thrilled to report that
I’m on the mend. I don’t believe myself
completely cured, but praise the Lord I have turned in the right direction
again. Here’s how the Lord got me
there:
First, He met me in my time of need when I cried out to Him
for help. Like the father whose son was
thrown into the fire by a demonic spirit, I cried out to the Lord, “I do
believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24
NASB). Never has this statement, seemingly so
contradictory to itself, made so much sense.
I do believe that God is in control, sovereign, and kind. At the same time, my heart is broken over the
disappointment of matters given Him in prayer that do not look anything like I
had hoped.
He has helped my unbelief and bolstered my faith by helping
me recall “memorial stones” – the times in my life when His faithfulness and
sovereignty were overwhelming. As I lead
a group of women through the book, Finding
Joy in the Journey: Savoring the Fruit of the Spirit (available here), I
re-read my own words: “Even when what I
see looks different from what I expect, I know who is in charge and surrender
my cares to Him.” This is a significant
and very encouraging look at a personal memorial stone; it reminded me that
this is not the first time life turned in directions I did not expect. God was faithful then, and He will show His
faithfulness now.
Next, He showed me those in the Bible who struggled with
doubt. “Doubting Thomas,” walked alongside
our Savior as His disciple, yet doubted His resurrection and asked for
proof. John the Baptist also had
questions and asked that the Lord confirm whether Jesus was the One for whom
John was sent to prepare the way. If
these two mighty men of God had periods of doubt, it’s reasonable to expect
that I will face uncertainties too.
Through His Word, the Lord reminded me that He does not
condemn us for our doubt, but rather comforts us when we seek Him in spite of
it. He gently and gracefully handles our questions and reservations. Thomas and John both went directly to Jesus,
the source of Truth, with their questions. To Thomas, He showed His nail-pierced
hands. To John, He quoted Scripture and
presented fulfillment of prophecy. He
scolded neither, but lovingly gave each what he needed to cast his doubts
aside.
His love for me, even in my period of struggle, reached
through a sermon from our pastor who knew nothing about my internal battle. Through the sermon the Holy Spirit reminded
me that God works ALL things together for the good of those called according to
His purpose. ALL things include matters
that we might expect to look a particular way even when they end up looking
almost completely opposite. He works
them ALL together for good.
Lord, thank You for loving us so fully and for showing Your
grace even when our faith falters. Thank
You for showing me that in the life of spiritual giants and even in my own
meager existence, You handle our questions and misgivings with care and
tenderness. I’m grateful that You are
entirely trustworthy, whether or not I understand the things I see. I believe.
Continue to help my unbelief!
“I assure you: If anyone says to this mountain, 'Be lifted
up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes
that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.” Mark 11:23 CSB
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