The battle of doubt is surfacing again.
Maybe you know what I mean: When we believe we’ve walked in obedience to the Lord, but don’t see the outcomes we expected. When we wonder if we’re moving in the right direction.
The doubt lives in moments when we ask ourselves,
“Why am I doing this?”
“Is it worth it?”
“What if I never see the results I’ve prayed for?”
“Why is it so hard to press on toward to goal?”
These thoughts often make me consider quitting - of throwing in the towel and letting someone else do the difficult work of ministry. Inside my head, I hear the thoughts of:
“No one reads this blog anyway.”
“What I do doesn’t make a difference.”
“I don’t have the talent to keep this up.”
You know the drill, don’t you?
I recently received encouragement to revisit some of my memorial stones. Some of you have heard me speak on the importance of creating physical reminders - memorial stones - that help us remember how the Lord has moved in our lives. Those moments are all very significant. We’re strengthened to stand firm by walking down memory lane and stopping at each spiritual marker to recall what led us to where we now stand.
I’m a scrapbooker from way back, so I dug through years of memories to find a particular moment that the Lord brought to mind. I’ll share it here, as it was written in May of 2009:
In December 2008, while studying The Truth Project, I received a calling from the Lord into a writing ministry. I’ve wanted to write a book for what feels like my whole life, but never knew my topic or felt competent enough to do the work. I felt a familiar whisper in my heart and understood immediately that I’d received a calling to write and teach. And yet… I doubted.
Beth Moore was to speak in Laramie, Wyoming where my friend, Tia lives, the following May. Tia served as a volunteer coordinator for the event and asked if I’d volunteer. Of course, I said YES! and agreed to serve as an “encourager,” which is one who prays with those in need during a prayer time in the event. As an encourager, I was to receive a reserved seat at the event, very close to the stage.
I began to specifically ask the Lord to confirm His word of instruction to me through Beth Moore. Perhaps it would be, I imagined, eye contact, or a touch on the shoulder or some other subtle sign from Him that I was to do this work of writing and teaching. Beth often leaves the stage and walks through the audience, so I was hopeful for such a sign and, again, specifically prayed.
On the morning of the conference, the volunteers met in front of the stage and several chatted about the event. One said, “I’ve seen her speak often and she’ll never leave THIS stage. It’s too high and there are no stairs…”
I was disappointed. But knowing God as God, I continued to wait with expectation.
Beth took the stage and within 15 seconds of her introduction, she said, “You’ll have to give me a minute. I need to come off this stage and greet all of you, but there are no stairs. I’ll have to go all the way around backstage and come out again, so just wait a minute. I’ll be right back.”
My heart began to leap. Beth walked the aisles and stopped right in front of me. She was rambling on… something about southern hospitality and just wanting to know who your guests are… and she put her face IN my face. I’m not kidding; her nose was within 2 inches of mine!!
“YES, Lord!” I said to myself. “I hear You. I receive my calling!”
The story still brings tears to my eyes, realizing the faithfulness of God and how He is so willing to answer our specific prayers and confirm His will for our lives.
This memorial stone helps me pursue my calling with faith - that is still, by the way, under construction. I recall the Lord’s involvement in my decision to write and I remember why I can’t quit until the He calls me home or changes my orders. I’m in this for the duration, whether or not anyone reads or responds, because He has confirmed that I should.
I pray this story encourages you to stand firm and pursue the calling for which you've been called. You can do this - not in your own strength, but in God's. Remember, His strength is made perfect in our weakness and through Him, you can do things you never imagined. Hang in there, friend, and I will too.
"I do believe; help my unbelief.”
Mark 9:24 (NASB)
I press on toward the goal
for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14 (NASB)
Your Turn:
When has the Lord confirmed a calling in your life?
How is He asking you to step out in faith right now?
Continue the conversation by leaving a comment below, or joining me on Facebook or Twitter!
Be Strengthened Today, By His Word,
Psalm 119:28
Cathy
