Spiritual Battles Call for Spiritual Weapons…
praying together in marriage
While marriage it is one of the most rewarding and
satisfying relationships, it is one of the toughest to navigate, and can bring
heartache, pain, and confusion. One practical
thing that we can do to combat such feelings is to pray through them, and as
couples, we must pray together. God’s Word teaches that we should not be
anxious about anything (including our marital relationship), but in everything,
by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present our requests to God
(Philippians 4:6 NIV). In other words,
through the teaching of the Apostle Paul, we learn not to worry, but instead,
to pray.
Prayer is simply spending time with God, talking to Him,
finding joy in His presence, and awaiting His leading as we seek His
direction. There are no special formulas
to prayer and no special vocabulary required, yet many feel intimidated by the
thought of having a conversation with God.
It’s no big deal to cry out, “help me!” when an emergency arises, but to
set aside more than just a few seconds to spend with him may feel frightening
and, well, maybe a bit silly. We may think it an embarrassing thing to do
in front of others, particularly our spouse! The thought of praying together as
a couple is so foreign to some, we may scoff before we consider all of the
blessing it can bring.
A little over a year ago, Mike and I found ourselves in one
of the biggest arguments of our marriage.
Nearly 24 hours into the fight, it occurred to both of us, almost at the
same time, that we were fighting a spiritual battle without our spiritual
weapons. Even after all of our years of
learning together through God’s Word, we were duking it out, each trying to
come out as the victor, and forgetting against whom we were actually fighting.
Suddenly, in the midst of a long and painful battle, we got
down on our knees and prayed together.
Each of us confessed to the Lord (and to each other), how hurtful we’d
been to one another and asked for forgiveness (from the Lord and from each
other). If we’d stopped there, we would
have put healing salve on the wounds we had each inflicted, but we continued
and poured out our hearts to the Lord in even deeper ways.
We asked for His wisdom and direction on how we should move
forward. We asked the Lord to soften our
hearts toward the ideas and thoughts of the other. We each presented a willingness to look at
the situation from the other side, and a readiness to take a step closer to
each other in the process. In prayer, we
realized that it really didn’t matter who was right or wrong. What mattered was that we each wanted to
agree with the Lord. We wanted His way
and we asked Him to show it to us. We
entered this time of prayer still angry and hurt, but came out with softer
hearts, an ability to see the situation from new angles, and a willingness to walk
together toward a solution.
We’re still learning.
We continue to grow together, following the Lord’s ways of relating to
one another. We have not “arrived,” nor
do we ever expect to reach a point where we know it all. We do know, however, that when we pray
together, we bear our hearts, allow total vulnerability, share complete honesty,
and surrender it all to the Lord. He has
never let us down. Each time we seek
Him, we find Him. He meets us where we
are and ministers to us through our trials.
If you’ve never prayed with your spouse, start small. Devote just a minute or two to your first
try. It might feel uncomfortable and
unbearably long, but do it anyway. Each
time you meet on your knees, the process will feel more natural. Pray together for something on which you
agree: the children, a request for
direction with finances, or an upcoming decision. As you grow in your united prayer life, begin
praising the Lord for how He is working in your life, confessing ways that you
have fallen short of pleasing Him (particularly in your marriage), thank Him
for blessing you in specific ways, and then begin to present your requests and
needs. Don’t avoid periods of silence,
but use them to allow Him to speak to and minister to your heart.
Prayer is not optional; it’s a vital foundation to unity in
marriage. Make it your immediate, go-to
source of strength rather than turning to it as an after-thought when all else
has failed.
“Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I
will listen to you. You will seek Me and
find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:12-13
This post is part of a series that details what we've learned over the last 25 years about honoring God with our marriage.
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